22.10.2017

Once again loneliness does exist and has caused an addiction of living in solitude in this universe. Do you even still remember the moments that should be forsaken without traces? Well I'm living well now with all of the burden, tenderness and privilege that I could only gain for being a visionary man. 

Some folk believe in time and explicitally they say that it could heal either all pain or suffering that one had experienced. But they never realize or maybe will to know that time could dilatate its seconds, its minutes and also hours. 

Something that you call as past could maybe a present that you're still living in. Or maybe you are someone who could not move on. 

Well, nothing left here except loneliness and solemnity. Three years had passed and I'm still the same or maybe the better than I was before, am not I? 

I'm still drinking coffee, I'm still staring at the moon in starry night and still being pluviophile. Besides them I did some runaway from civilisation. I somehow believe that my hecticness will only prevent me from being enlightened.

My enviousness had led me to surpass the sorrow as I surpass the evil by being more evil than the devil itself. Currently you live a life that maybe you had tried to consolidate with. And I'm a hundred thousand years old soul which is being trapped in this banality. I don't know how long will sickness devour my vassal completely. I ever lived in a system that I did believe to be a perfection. As long as I know I'm just walking on a path that I created with my own tears. Nobody could even understand the world as I perceive and nobody knows what I had offered to achieve this solitary state.  

I did fall in love without any reason. But as the time goes by, I think that I'm the one who is loosing my ability to love someone. Somehow I could probably feel affection and it just went away like a breeze. 

Theoretically I'm getting older and wiser but it doesn't mean that I still don't have any naivete within me. Neither a bitter realist nor a plain idealist is me. I just consider to be an idealist like what Kant had meant with his transcendental Idealism, at the same time I'm being a superman like Nietzsche had considered to be. I think logically, ethically, aesthetically and dialectically, therefore there's no room more for something you call discourse. But at the end you still know the best bourgeoisie in the town who is fighting inequality from left side.

I won't deny myself for being a Marxist but at the same time I also a Marx-detractor. I hate the hypocrisy that Nietzsche had and Kant's softness like a sissy girl. Well, everything is imperfect, isn't it? But by being imperfect it's the only way to materialize perfection in my life. As long as I'm still walking then I still have an orientation to achieve and I'm still the one who holds truth. I don't have any demand on faith. What's actually something you call as faith? I couldn't believe in something that doesn't have any integrity or ask to be believed for. The reason that I believe in something is because that it's the only reality that I should believe to.

As I said, you won't meet someone like you had met three years ago that you left without saying goodbye properly. He had been devoured by his reality and I'm the one who is devouring my own darkness and light to be a star who will radiate the folk. I never ask you or other to believe in me. Nevertheless I will still be the most radiating star on the night who will give people orientation of their own position and how they could achieve their goal. I won't force people like a shepherd that has been admired by most of people on this world. People have their own free will, so why you see human as the weakest creature without any will to fight back?

You always said that neither you and I had any ability to force other to change other. For some fool ways I did believe in it and had consolidated with the reality that was completely different as my imagination and calculation. If you are still the one who does believe in it. Congratulation you're the one who has fear against uncertainty. You're still acting goodly and living a life because you're forced by others influence. Did you ever thinking to fight back something for your sake?

Well once again I wrote something that I'm supposed not to write. I never hate you for the things that you had done to me. I just don't know affection any more and maybe couldn't believe in someone like I did before. Maybe this will lead me to live a holier life than other great thinkers had lived. I hope you could feel my gravity wave and the gentleness of my affection which is more tender than a  particle of love.